So a few weeks back, Min Sik told me about this book called We Married Koreans, a book written by 12 different American women who married Koreans between 1950 and 1969. I found it on Amazon and immediately ordered it! It arrived about a week ago and I read it within a few days. It was amazing! I loved reading the stories of all these extremely brave women and men who married during a time when many states still had laws preventing different races from marrying. There stories are so diverse...some dated for many, many years before marrying, while some just a few months. I feel so small in comparison to these women, some of whom agreed to move to Korea witht heir husbands without ever having been there, during a time when Korea was still recovering from war and hardship. And then there are the wives who were so active in the Korean-American community in the states....wow...they just blew my mind away.
Even if you are not in a Korean-American relationship, or even a mixed relationship at all, I would recommend this book. The stories are just wonderful and learned a lot about Korea from reading them. I know Min Sik and I have a lot of stories together, but it's true, mixed relationships and marriages are much more acceptable these days. I would love to say if this were 50 years ago everything would be the same, but would it? We have so many problems now with people staring at us, but I think it's mostly because I'm a foreigner, and then secondly because my boyfriend is Korean, which isn't all that common. But even so, it makes for uncomfortable situations, especially for Min Sik, who now feels like an outsider in his own country at times. But I believe that there was some strong force (or red string) that was connecting us together, and despite all the odds, created these very small and very random details that brought us together and I would hope the time period has nothing to do with that. I can understand a lot of the couples' feelings in the book. If living in Korea was the only way to be with Min Sik, then so be it. Luckily, he is a wonderful and selfless man and realizes that we have a better chance of life in America, mainy due to my lack of options here. Everyday I am thankful for him. I don't think it is strange at all that there are books written about marrying Korean men. (There's also one called I Married a Korean from the 1930s, I think.) I guess I can only dra from other people's experiences as well as my own, but they are very caring and very devoted people who come from a great culture.
Maybe someday there will be a new generation of people who can write a book about marrying Koreans. Will it be as courageous or exciting? Maybe not. But one can hope! :)
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
The “I Love You" Story
This is by far one of our favorite stories and definitely highlights one of the many cultural differences, both good and bad, that we have faced.
So after hanging out a few times and meeting each others’ friends, Min Sik and I were together quite a bit. It was a pretty slow beginning for us, most likely because neither of us were really looking for a relationship; I was content with my single life and he was being very Korean and studying for a major test, which I was apparently distracting him from, haha. Anyway everything that was happening just felt so natural. We waited for each other after school and he would walk me home along the river, gradually moving from walking close to holding hands to one time actually kissing good bye! (Albeit it was kiss from me to him for the New Year, since I wouldn’t see him during the actual kiss time.) And he was always so sweet, texting me every day, although one day he didn’t because he was playing his “love game” and I was really sad! I don’t remember who eventually texted who, but we did get in contact that day! He even called me at midnight on New Year’s Eve to wish me a Happy New Year.
It was January 2, 2009 when Min Sik and I decided to go to dinner and out to a bar. My friend, Saska, just got back from her vacation and I wanted to see her, so I invited her along as well. We were there for a few hours before deciding to call it an early night and go home. But, as we were leaving, we ran into two of Min Sik’s friends, one of whom we already knew. Saska and I decided to go in for another round, but it seemed Min Sik was hesitant. When I asked him why, he told me he needed to talk to me about something. Immediately I was nervous. What was he going to tell me? It was a little awkward because my friend was there, but luckily she is a very caring and conscious person, so she just waited with her duk-boki (Korean street food) while we talked on the side of the street. Here’s how the conversation went (in a nutshell):
Me: “What’s wrong?”
Min Sik: Looking very nervous and having trouble finding the right words. “I have something to tell you.”
(At this point I’m definitely assuming the worst, whatever that may be.)
Me: Maybe even more nervous. “What is it?”
Min Sik: “I think….I think I love you. NO, not think, I KNOW I love you.”
(SILENCE, my face is in complete shock and disbelief that he just said that to me! As a side note here, we didn’t know each other for very long, maybe 1 month or so, and we definitely weren’t boyfriend or girlfriend yet!)
Me: Having no idea what to do or say. “Min Sik! Oh my god!” Nervously laughing and hugs him. You’re so sweet. Thank you!
(Yes, I actually did that infamous “Thank you” line after someone tells you they love you. I mean, c’mon, what else are you supposed to say?? At least I threw in a few more lines, haha. But I guess the effect is still the same…)
At this point, I don’t know what to do. Min Sik has already seen my face fall, so he’s even more nervous than he was before and on top of that is becoming silent because he thinks he just made a huge mistake. Meanwhile, I’m freaking out inside my head, like “Dude, this guy is crazy! What is he thinking??” and overall being very disappointed because this very promising man has just dashed all of my dreams for us together and become just another creepy weird guy. (Sorry baby-I LOVE YOU! I know you’re not creepy now! lol) So now I start trying to convince him that he does not, in fact, love me and that he must be confused because it is IMPOSSIBLE to love someone after such a short period of time. Maybe he said something along the lines of, “But, yes, I do love you.” Or something like that, but at this point I don’t think I’m really hearing him anymore. Basically, I just tell him, “I think we need to go home and talk about this,” to which he readily agrees.
So Min Sik, Saska, and I begin the awkward journey home. Saska knows something is wrong, especially because Min Sik does not say A WORD the entire time. When we arrive home, it takes us a while, due to the language barrier, but eventually we get everything straightened out. Here’s what went down:
In Korea, when a boy and a girl want to exclusively date, they tell each other 사랑해 (sa-rang hay), which directly translates as “I love you.” Min Sik explains that he knew the cultures are different, but when he watched English movies they always said “I love you” before or when they wanted to date, too. So that was conclusion he came to. After I explained to him that saying “I love you” in English is something couples don’t say for a few months and it has a very strong meaning, etc., etc., he seemed mortified. I hate to say it but it was kind of funny/cute the way HIS face turned red for once (my always does) and he stammered to explain his mind and the true meaning of what he said, which of course, was absolutely not “I love you,” but merely, “I wanna date you, exclusively,” which, of course, is much more acceptable and situation-appropriate.
When he finally pulled himself together, he straight out asked me to be my girlfriend, to which I accepted. And then he took my hand and turned around my irish ring (you know, the on with the hands and the heart and crown) so it was pointing toward my heart. (That means you’re taken). I was so shocked he even remembered that I told him about that at least a month before! But that’s how he is. :) Freakin awesome.
So after hanging out a few times and meeting each others’ friends, Min Sik and I were together quite a bit. It was a pretty slow beginning for us, most likely because neither of us were really looking for a relationship; I was content with my single life and he was being very Korean and studying for a major test, which I was apparently distracting him from, haha. Anyway everything that was happening just felt so natural. We waited for each other after school and he would walk me home along the river, gradually moving from walking close to holding hands to one time actually kissing good bye! (Albeit it was kiss from me to him for the New Year, since I wouldn’t see him during the actual kiss time.) And he was always so sweet, texting me every day, although one day he didn’t because he was playing his “love game” and I was really sad! I don’t remember who eventually texted who, but we did get in contact that day! He even called me at midnight on New Year’s Eve to wish me a Happy New Year.
It was January 2, 2009 when Min Sik and I decided to go to dinner and out to a bar. My friend, Saska, just got back from her vacation and I wanted to see her, so I invited her along as well. We were there for a few hours before deciding to call it an early night and go home. But, as we were leaving, we ran into two of Min Sik’s friends, one of whom we already knew. Saska and I decided to go in for another round, but it seemed Min Sik was hesitant. When I asked him why, he told me he needed to talk to me about something. Immediately I was nervous. What was he going to tell me? It was a little awkward because my friend was there, but luckily she is a very caring and conscious person, so she just waited with her duk-boki (Korean street food) while we talked on the side of the street. Here’s how the conversation went (in a nutshell):
Me: “What’s wrong?”
Min Sik: Looking very nervous and having trouble finding the right words. “I have something to tell you.”
(At this point I’m definitely assuming the worst, whatever that may be.)
Me: Maybe even more nervous. “What is it?”
Min Sik: “I think….I think I love you. NO, not think, I KNOW I love you.”
(SILENCE, my face is in complete shock and disbelief that he just said that to me! As a side note here, we didn’t know each other for very long, maybe 1 month or so, and we definitely weren’t boyfriend or girlfriend yet!)
Me: Having no idea what to do or say. “Min Sik! Oh my god!” Nervously laughing and hugs him. You’re so sweet. Thank you!
(Yes, I actually did that infamous “Thank you” line after someone tells you they love you. I mean, c’mon, what else are you supposed to say?? At least I threw in a few more lines, haha. But I guess the effect is still the same…)
At this point, I don’t know what to do. Min Sik has already seen my face fall, so he’s even more nervous than he was before and on top of that is becoming silent because he thinks he just made a huge mistake. Meanwhile, I’m freaking out inside my head, like “Dude, this guy is crazy! What is he thinking??” and overall being very disappointed because this very promising man has just dashed all of my dreams for us together and become just another creepy weird guy. (Sorry baby-I LOVE YOU! I know you’re not creepy now! lol) So now I start trying to convince him that he does not, in fact, love me and that he must be confused because it is IMPOSSIBLE to love someone after such a short period of time. Maybe he said something along the lines of, “But, yes, I do love you.” Or something like that, but at this point I don’t think I’m really hearing him anymore. Basically, I just tell him, “I think we need to go home and talk about this,” to which he readily agrees.
So Min Sik, Saska, and I begin the awkward journey home. Saska knows something is wrong, especially because Min Sik does not say A WORD the entire time. When we arrive home, it takes us a while, due to the language barrier, but eventually we get everything straightened out. Here’s what went down:
In Korea, when a boy and a girl want to exclusively date, they tell each other 사랑해 (sa-rang hay), which directly translates as “I love you.” Min Sik explains that he knew the cultures are different, but when he watched English movies they always said “I love you” before or when they wanted to date, too. So that was conclusion he came to. After I explained to him that saying “I love you” in English is something couples don’t say for a few months and it has a very strong meaning, etc., etc., he seemed mortified. I hate to say it but it was kind of funny/cute the way HIS face turned red for once (my always does) and he stammered to explain his mind and the true meaning of what he said, which of course, was absolutely not “I love you,” but merely, “I wanna date you, exclusively,” which, of course, is much more acceptable and situation-appropriate.
When he finally pulled himself together, he straight out asked me to be my girlfriend, to which I accepted. And then he took my hand and turned around my irish ring (you know, the on with the hands and the heart and crown) so it was pointing toward my heart. (That means you’re taken). I was so shocked he even remembered that I told him about that at least a month before! But that’s how he is. :) Freakin awesome.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Nowhere to begin but the beginning.
My boyfriend Min Sik and I have been dating for over 7 months now, so needless to say, I have a LOT of things to catch you up on. I guess the only way to begin this love story is from the beginning.
October 2008
I arrived in Korea October 20, 2008 at 4 a.m. and promptly began work that same day at 12 p.m. (Definitely as horrible as it sounds.) My job is an after-school English teacher at an elementary school in South Korea. I was very lonely my first few weeks at my job; I didn't know anyone, I was the only foreigner, and everyone seemed to know what was going on except for me. I just happened to notice one other person at my school who might be around my age (I'm 22) but he was Korean and I was intimidated. He was cute, a little serious looking (He has a mean poker face, haha.) and I unknowingly foreshadowed to myself if we would one day become friends, or more.
As time went on, I kept noticing this younger man, nodding my head as I passed him in the hall or met him in the teacher's lounge, where I made my copies. Him, being much braver than I, and apparently trying to avoid future awkward situations, walked up to me one day while I was at the copy machine and offered the ice-breaking word.
"Cookie?"
As he said this to me he handed me a miniature cookie. It was so awkwardly cute and me, starved for some kind of adult interaction, I just couldn't resist and the word vomit spilled out.
"Thank you so much!! What's your name? Are you a teacher?"
The poor guy. I was pounding him with questions, which made him nervous since his English wasn't at a comfortable level yet. Anyway, after slowing down a bit we managed to exchange names and a bit of information about each other. I learned that his name was Min Sik and he was a soldier working at the school. (All Korean men must serve in the military for 2 years. Min Sik has a special case, however, where he was not exactly a real soldier, but worked for a public institution.)
A few weeks went by and eventually he asked me if I wanted to meet some of his friends for a Korean dinner. Of course I accepted and in return invited him to a party some of my foreign friends were having afterward. The dinner went smoothly, the only hiccup being when I realized I had left my phone on the bus, but Min Sik, always being the perfect gentleman, called and convinced the driver to meet us at one of his stops and give it to me. It was after dinner when things got a bit more interesting. Min Sik, his friend, let's call him Johnny, and I went to this girl's apartment nearby. I was a little anxious knowing there would be a lot of foreigners there, and Min Sik and Johnny might feel uncomfortable. Well, I was right! As soon as we walked in, we were bombarded with foreigners and the incredible noise that comes with them, especially when drinking!
In a nutshell, after playing numerous Korean-inappropriate drinking games, including spin the bottle, where Min Sik was basically forced to kiss a girl on the cheek, him finding out about my tattoos after saying he didn't like them, and after heading over to a bar, notorious for attracting foreigners, where an older and not very attractive woman attempted to lure Johnny home with the promise of sex, the night would seem very unsuccessful. Luckily, I was in the presence of good people and alcohol, haha, so good times did indeed follow. Min Sik chose his English name, which is Alex, and in turn Johnny and he christened me Choi Sun Young, my Korean name.
After sharing a taxi home and saying good-bye, I kept thinking about Min Sik. I'm not sure exactly what attracted me to him in the first place. Maybe it was his kindness, or his compassion, or his good looks, but really I just didn't know. Anyway, I guess he was thinking about me, too, because the next day, he offered to give me a tour of the local university. It was beautiful and just like a lot of our other moments, a little awkward, at least for me. He was so different than any other man I had met before (in a very good way), so I didn't know what he was thinking, or what he was doing, etc.
After he brought me back home, I invited him to see my apartment, because it just seemed like a polite thing to do at the time. Still awkward. Much to my surprise, he accepted. (Although I had only been in Korea for a short period of time, by this point I had learned that it's a very conservative country for the most part.) Anyway, it was very innocent, for all you dirty minds out there. I was hungry so I made a grilled cheese sandwich, which he watched with interest. This particular sandwich I had happened to burn a little, probably because this Korean was standing over me the entire time :) and as soon as he saw that he was shocked that I was still going to eat it.
"Koreans think you will have cancer."
"What?? Why?"
"Because it's burned."
Hahahaha....Korea is too funny sometimes. Anyway, he left a little bit later. Another awkward moment: do I hug him good-bye or not? I usually hugged all my friends after they visited me in USA, male or not. I opted out this time. I think I made the right decision now, haha.
Well, I realize this story is a bit long, so I'm going to wrap it up and try to keep it a bit shorter from now on. I never realized how hard it is to filter your memories and try to distinguish what's interesting, if any is at all. I apologize for my amateurism, if that even is a word.
So here it is, lesson learned: Male/Female relationships in Korea are AWKWARD. And you better believe there's more where that came from. Stay tuned.
October 2008
I arrived in Korea October 20, 2008 at 4 a.m. and promptly began work that same day at 12 p.m. (Definitely as horrible as it sounds.) My job is an after-school English teacher at an elementary school in South Korea. I was very lonely my first few weeks at my job; I didn't know anyone, I was the only foreigner, and everyone seemed to know what was going on except for me. I just happened to notice one other person at my school who might be around my age (I'm 22) but he was Korean and I was intimidated. He was cute, a little serious looking (He has a mean poker face, haha.) and I unknowingly foreshadowed to myself if we would one day become friends, or more.
As time went on, I kept noticing this younger man, nodding my head as I passed him in the hall or met him in the teacher's lounge, where I made my copies. Him, being much braver than I, and apparently trying to avoid future awkward situations, walked up to me one day while I was at the copy machine and offered the ice-breaking word.
"Cookie?"
As he said this to me he handed me a miniature cookie. It was so awkwardly cute and me, starved for some kind of adult interaction, I just couldn't resist and the word vomit spilled out.
"Thank you so much!! What's your name? Are you a teacher?"
The poor guy. I was pounding him with questions, which made him nervous since his English wasn't at a comfortable level yet. Anyway, after slowing down a bit we managed to exchange names and a bit of information about each other. I learned that his name was Min Sik and he was a soldier working at the school. (All Korean men must serve in the military for 2 years. Min Sik has a special case, however, where he was not exactly a real soldier, but worked for a public institution.)
A few weeks went by and eventually he asked me if I wanted to meet some of his friends for a Korean dinner. Of course I accepted and in return invited him to a party some of my foreign friends were having afterward. The dinner went smoothly, the only hiccup being when I realized I had left my phone on the bus, but Min Sik, always being the perfect gentleman, called and convinced the driver to meet us at one of his stops and give it to me. It was after dinner when things got a bit more interesting. Min Sik, his friend, let's call him Johnny, and I went to this girl's apartment nearby. I was a little anxious knowing there would be a lot of foreigners there, and Min Sik and Johnny might feel uncomfortable. Well, I was right! As soon as we walked in, we were bombarded with foreigners and the incredible noise that comes with them, especially when drinking!
In a nutshell, after playing numerous Korean-inappropriate drinking games, including spin the bottle, where Min Sik was basically forced to kiss a girl on the cheek, him finding out about my tattoos after saying he didn't like them, and after heading over to a bar, notorious for attracting foreigners, where an older and not very attractive woman attempted to lure Johnny home with the promise of sex, the night would seem very unsuccessful. Luckily, I was in the presence of good people and alcohol, haha, so good times did indeed follow. Min Sik chose his English name, which is Alex, and in turn Johnny and he christened me Choi Sun Young, my Korean name.
After sharing a taxi home and saying good-bye, I kept thinking about Min Sik. I'm not sure exactly what attracted me to him in the first place. Maybe it was his kindness, or his compassion, or his good looks, but really I just didn't know. Anyway, I guess he was thinking about me, too, because the next day, he offered to give me a tour of the local university. It was beautiful and just like a lot of our other moments, a little awkward, at least for me. He was so different than any other man I had met before (in a very good way), so I didn't know what he was thinking, or what he was doing, etc.
After he brought me back home, I invited him to see my apartment, because it just seemed like a polite thing to do at the time. Still awkward. Much to my surprise, he accepted. (Although I had only been in Korea for a short period of time, by this point I had learned that it's a very conservative country for the most part.) Anyway, it was very innocent, for all you dirty minds out there. I was hungry so I made a grilled cheese sandwich, which he watched with interest. This particular sandwich I had happened to burn a little, probably because this Korean was standing over me the entire time :) and as soon as he saw that he was shocked that I was still going to eat it.
"Koreans think you will have cancer."
"What?? Why?"
"Because it's burned."
Hahahaha....Korea is too funny sometimes. Anyway, he left a little bit later. Another awkward moment: do I hug him good-bye or not? I usually hugged all my friends after they visited me in USA, male or not. I opted out this time. I think I made the right decision now, haha.
Well, I realize this story is a bit long, so I'm going to wrap it up and try to keep it a bit shorter from now on. I never realized how hard it is to filter your memories and try to distinguish what's interesting, if any is at all. I apologize for my amateurism, if that even is a word.
So here it is, lesson learned: Male/Female relationships in Korea are AWKWARD. And you better believe there's more where that came from. Stay tuned.
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